How to Not Go to Law School
Is a hot dog a sandwich?
Of course not, you say, it is a hot dog!
But what is a sandwich?
A piece of meat crammed between two pieces of bread?
Well, isn’t that just what a hot dog is?
Well, the pieces of bread are separate. The hot dog isn’t really two pieces of bread. It is a single roll with a lengthwise trough.
What difference does that make? Well, you stammer.
It’s a hot dog! As if by emphasizing the words you’ve made your point.
But you haven’t, so on and on we go.
And then, somebody will say it. Maybe you. Maybe the person you’re arguing with. Maybe someone who is listening.
“You like to argue. You should go to law school.”
Do not listen to this person.
Do not go to law school. Or better yet, don’t go to law school because somebody said you like to argue. And definitely don’t go to law school because someone just heard you argue that a hot dog isn’t a sandwich.
What It Means
The point isn’t whether hot dogs are sandwiches. You may not have ever had that conversation, but you’ve had that type of conversation. Irresistible conversations. You don’t need any special knowledge to participate. If you’ve ever eaten a sandwich or a hot dog, you can play. You don’t need to have any deeply-held beliefs. The nature of the question makes it easy to pick a side. Its impossible to not pick a side. But there is never consensus. As certain of your position as you are, somebody else is convinced that you’re wrong. And then you’re off. You find yourself coming up with all sorts of creative arguments to support your newfound conviction. What about a Reuben? What about meatless hot dogs? And you have a willing combatant. Someone equally creative and equally convinced of the certainty of their position. And so you argue back and forth. Its usually funny, but sometimes people get frustrated. Now you’re just being stupid, they’ll shout.
Eventually, after hearing you argue for a few minutes about hot dogs, somebody will suggest that you should go to law school. You love to argue, they’ll say.
This is bad advice. The premise makes sense: if you like arguing about hot dogs or are good at arguing about hot dogs, you’ll be good at a job that requires you to argue all day. Don’t fall into this trap.
Arguing about hot dogs is fun. Nothing is at stake. If you couldn’t convince your opponent that a hot dog isn’t in fact a sandwich, nothing happens. Nothing was won, except maybe an inside joke if you both ever visit a restaurant. Nothing was lost. Nothing is going to change. In the end, your conversation didn’t really matter.
This is the exact opposite of law. In law, everything matters. Even things that don’t actually matter. Even things that shouldn’t matter. Lawyers will argue about such stupid things. If I say that I’ll call you in 3 days, does today count as one of those 3 days? If I say I’ll send something by certified mail but I actually send it by registered mail, does that make a difference? Is midnight the end of today or the beginning of tomorrow? If I’m supposed to pay you Thirty Dollars ($40), how much do I owe you?
These are things that lawyers have actually argued about. And unlike your argument about hot dogs, these arguments really mattered. Thousands or even millions of dollars. Things are actually at stake.
Your hot dog argument didn’t matter because nothing was at stake. So it was fun. But in law, everything matters. There is always something at stake. For you and your opponent. Imagine arguing that a hot dog isn’t a sandwich for 5 minutes. Afterwards, somebody who was listening to your conversation says, “Sorry, I’m not convinced. You’re wrong. A hot dog is a sandwich.” And then they take your house.
That’s ridiculous. You can’t lose your house by losing a legal argument (rare exceptions apply). Instead, you argue on behalf your client. And if you don’t win your argument, your client loses. So a lot is at stake. Not just for you, but also for your client. It’s the opposite of your hot dog argument.
There, nothing mattered. In law, everything matters, not just for you, but also for your client. There is a lot at stake.
You may have had fun arguing about hot dogs when nothing was at stake. But you’ll likely hate arguing about other things when there is a lot at stake.
Don’t go to law school because somebody says that you like to argue.
Of course not, you say, it is a hot dog!
But what is a sandwich?
A piece of meat crammed between two pieces of bread?
Well, isn’t that just what a hot dog is?
Well, the pieces of bread are separate. The hot dog isn’t really two pieces of bread. It is a single roll with a lengthwise trough.
What difference does that make? Well, you stammer.
It’s a hot dog! As if by emphasizing the words you’ve made your point.
But you haven’t, so on and on we go.
And then, somebody will say it. Maybe you. Maybe the person you’re arguing with. Maybe someone who is listening.
“You like to argue. You should go to law school.”
Do not listen to this person.
Do not go to law school. Or better yet, don’t go to law school because somebody said you like to argue. And definitely don’t go to law school because someone just heard you argue that a hot dog isn’t a sandwich.
What It Means
The point isn’t whether hot dogs are sandwiches. You may not have ever had that conversation, but you’ve had that type of conversation. Irresistible conversations. You don’t need any special knowledge to participate. If you’ve ever eaten a sandwich or a hot dog, you can play. You don’t need to have any deeply-held beliefs. The nature of the question makes it easy to pick a side. Its impossible to not pick a side. But there is never consensus. As certain of your position as you are, somebody else is convinced that you’re wrong. And then you’re off. You find yourself coming up with all sorts of creative arguments to support your newfound conviction. What about a Reuben? What about meatless hot dogs? And you have a willing combatant. Someone equally creative and equally convinced of the certainty of their position. And so you argue back and forth. Its usually funny, but sometimes people get frustrated. Now you’re just being stupid, they’ll shout.
Eventually, after hearing you argue for a few minutes about hot dogs, somebody will suggest that you should go to law school. You love to argue, they’ll say.
This is bad advice. The premise makes sense: if you like arguing about hot dogs or are good at arguing about hot dogs, you’ll be good at a job that requires you to argue all day. Don’t fall into this trap.
Arguing about hot dogs is fun. Nothing is at stake. If you couldn’t convince your opponent that a hot dog isn’t in fact a sandwich, nothing happens. Nothing was won, except maybe an inside joke if you both ever visit a restaurant. Nothing was lost. Nothing is going to change. In the end, your conversation didn’t really matter.
This is the exact opposite of law. In law, everything matters. Even things that don’t actually matter. Even things that shouldn’t matter. Lawyers will argue about such stupid things. If I say that I’ll call you in 3 days, does today count as one of those 3 days? If I say I’ll send something by certified mail but I actually send it by registered mail, does that make a difference? Is midnight the end of today or the beginning of tomorrow? If I’m supposed to pay you Thirty Dollars ($40), how much do I owe you?
These are things that lawyers have actually argued about. And unlike your argument about hot dogs, these arguments really mattered. Thousands or even millions of dollars. Things are actually at stake.
Your hot dog argument didn’t matter because nothing was at stake. So it was fun. But in law, everything matters. There is always something at stake. For you and your opponent. Imagine arguing that a hot dog isn’t a sandwich for 5 minutes. Afterwards, somebody who was listening to your conversation says, “Sorry, I’m not convinced. You’re wrong. A hot dog is a sandwich.” And then they take your house.
That’s ridiculous. You can’t lose your house by losing a legal argument (rare exceptions apply). Instead, you argue on behalf your client. And if you don’t win your argument, your client loses. So a lot is at stake. Not just for you, but also for your client. It’s the opposite of your hot dog argument.
There, nothing mattered. In law, everything matters, not just for you, but also for your client. There is a lot at stake.
You may have had fun arguing about hot dogs when nothing was at stake. But you’ll likely hate arguing about other things when there is a lot at stake.
Don’t go to law school because somebody says that you like to argue.